Advice for Co-habbitating Co-equals: It Worked For The Very First Time

Well, for the first time I can remember that is. So Here's the scoop. On Saturday I was being kind of sarcastic and nasty to my husband and he didn't much like it so he called me out on it. I was feeling a little nasty inside and decided maybe I should tell him the truth when he asks me WHY I am being nasty, but I rarely do because it never seems to go well. We do a lot better when I don't tell him what I am thinking and work threw the feelings on my own. I realize this is "bad" according to the experts and it does cause me to explode every so often from "Stuffing" my feelings, but it keeps us from having those LONG, IRRITATING, conversations about our "feelings" that just wear us both out and make me cry until my eyes swell shut for the next two days. And it also keeps us from saying things we will regret (or the other person will regret ;) for life. Ok, let's be honest when I say WE I mean me. I have a biting tongue and G, well, he just doesn't have it in him to be nasty. He can hurt my feelings and hurt me in other ways but he wasn't cursed, like I was, with the VanWart hot headed nastiness that comes from my Moms side of the family. It is the Red 1/2 of my personality. It's a good thing I also got a 1/2 blue personality and calm niceness from my father's side as well :)

Anyway, those kinds of "helpful" conversations usually DON'T bring the needed changes I am seeking anyway, so to me they just aren't worth the tears and the pain they cause and the late nights, as well, since we always end up having them from 10:30pm- 1am.

This time I decided that I did actually want to tell G how I was hurting and why and that I would try hard to remember all the things he has told me in the past about how HE wants me to tell him things. So I gave it a shot and although G was a little defensive we got interrupted before either of us could say anymore. That was the best conversation on "our relationship" we have ever had. It took all of 30 seconds, no tears, no rebuttals of why and who and how etc...
Clean and short and most importantly EFFECTIVE!

G must have decided to do what I was asking because as we both went throughout our day I saw a huge change. At first it was over the top and in my face, but I decided to let that go and just enjoy that it was happening and over the next few hours it became less over the top, more sincere and brought us closer together. He did wonderfully all day and we were both very happy.

So in essence I think I figured out the key to successful conversations about "change" in "relationships".
1. Have them in the morning
2. Tell them what you want in the way they want to hear it
3. Tell them durring the 30 sec. you have before the kids come back into the room :)
4. Go about your day and don't revisit the subject
5. Don't be annoyed when your co-habitating co-equal starts off over the top and in your face. Just respond warmly like they are doing everything perfect. And just like that *snap** the magic will happen :)

I hope you have enjoyed reading.
Until next time, this has been "Advice for Co-habitating Co-equals By Ashley"
Signing Off-